I’m hearing lots of comments/complaints/depressed sighs from clients, colleagues, and friends about NOT having needed time alone…..
-from a client with a two year old and an eight month old –“I would pay any amount of money I could dig up just to have a quiet and relaxed SHOWER
-from a middle manager client who works in an “open office design” — you know, the kinds that have no walls or doors –“I swear I can’t think in this environment…I lose my train of thought with people all around me and no privacy.”
-from a colleague trying to finish a writing project ….I can’t be even remotely creative without lots of solitude
-and finally an email from someone who reads this blog — “Is there something wrong with me because I like so much time alone?”
Those are just a few examples of hundreds and varied questions and worries from people who want and need but don’t get enough time alone. EVERYONE NEEDS TIME ALONE….SOME FORM OF SOLITUDE. Granted there is a wide range in the nature of individual needs, and there are some individuals who would say they can’t “tolerate” solitude or alone time. And because I constantly write and talk about the benefit of quiet time for meditation, I also know how difficult, even painful, it is for many people to try to sit quietly — and alone. Regardless I’m sticking to my sentence in CAPS…. you need it.
Quiet, alone time, even if you don’t want or believe you don’t need it, is like refueling the body, the entire system. It gives you a chance to check in with yourself on all levels — how am I feeling –both physically and emotionally? What am I thinking and reflecting about? How connected do I feel to my family, friends, colleagues, the UNIVERSE? It is a chance to clear your head AND your heart. And the voices and concerns and the energy of others can easily get in the way. And even if you don’t believe you want or need the solitude, I can guarantee that if you take as little as 10 minutes periodically throughout the day and sit in a quiet spot some where, you will gradually realize it’s really helping you reduce stress and think more clearly and make better decisions.
Extroverts will disagree with this. And it’s true extroverts get their energy and their fuel and the re-charge FROM interacting…. while introverts need to be alone OR with only one or two special intimates….regardless, time alone provides you with something essential that you actually need. So my suggestion is that no matter how strongly you might disagree, try a bit of solitude daily for two or three weeks and then measure the amount of stress reduction you experience….AND perhaps clarity of decision making and “right action.”
Here’s a more poetic explanation from Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “Too many activities, and people,and things. Too many worthy activities, valuable things, and interesting people. For it is not merely the trivial which clutters our lives but the important as well.”
At least think about it!