Question: What should offend us more? The on-going sexual/physical assaults in the military? Or the reality that too little has happened to STOP IT?
Violence in our society is at an all time high — especially violence against women. Our focus has been “off” — the attention goes to the person who is victimized. That attention is vital for treatment, healing, helping the individual get their life back on track. But for prevention, the focus must be on the perpetrators and on a culture and socialization process that continues to produce perpetrators, in many instances like our current military scandal –shield them, and then continue to FAIL to put in place clear messages of prohibition! There are no circumstances that I can imagine where the perpetrator should not be the FOCUS. But I am open to dialogue around that issue.
If you’ve been reading my blog, you saw a reference to a TedTalk with Dr. Jason Katz. If you have not seen it, look for it. He expresses, in the most understandable manner I’ve seen, the way in which the perpetrator has to be the focus if change is to take place. I would simply add to that — the need to examine the structure of the systems in our society. From verbal violence to physical violence, there is an attitude of “allowing” — Let’s stop that. Let’s examine how we relate to power, the exercise of unhealthy power — “power over” another. And a quick reminder you may not need: sexual assault is not about sex. It’s about power — abusive power.
There is a healthy use, and a need for a healthy use of power. Imagine the power of speaking up, of stepping in when you see another person being mistreated. Having a VOICE is power. Ending the culture of by-standers is a healthy use of power. Since I wrote an entire book on the necessity for women to own, or take back, or step into their own personal power, I hold to that principal as a basic necessity for every woman in our culture. Regardless, women’s ownership of power holds up only half the equation. MEN must stand up for an end to violence against women….against other men. If men do not speak up, become assertively active in the efforts to change the systems, the problems will go unaddressed — the level of violence will grow. The inactivity — the silence — of healthy men appears to be some form of acceptance, tolerance — “it’s just the way things are.” I am “searching” for the best description…….. and my frustration of seeing women victimized across the culture in so many ways and for so many decades — blocks my ability to accurately describe what’s going on. I do know our systems are the place to begin — systems (those include the family, the schools, the church, the organizations, and all levels of government) must be examined and changed. Let’s at least begin the conversation!