When any of us struggles with something we WANT — like HAPPINESS — it can help to define the personal meaning that word holds for YOU.
No one is ever happy consistently, but many think they could or should be. Here’s a helpful quote from the Jungian Analyst, Carl Jung:
“Even the happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happiness” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness”
The point: See what you mean when you say either “I’m unhappy” or “I want to be happier” or “I never feel happy”….. write about your own definition and the activities, behaviors, feelings involved. Many years ago I had a female client who frequently lamented, “I will never be happy without a relationship with a man.” Reflect/write to see if your definition is that specific. You do need to know what you want or need that is missing in your day to day life.
Research tells us there are components of happiness to examine, explore, and then use to identify helpful changes. And there is, indeed, a formula.
The HAPPINESS HYPOTHESIS by Jonathon Haidt suggests the following………… H= S+C+V Meaning? Happiness equals your “set point” plus the “circumstances” of your life plus “voluntary life activities.” Let’s define those terms in more detail.
Set Point. The theory here is that we are born with a set point of emotional well-being/happiness. So if you are a generally pretty positive person OR a generally semi negative or really negative person, the research suggests you “came into the world with that emotional set point” So if something amazing happens, and you feel terrific, weeks/months later you will drift BACK to the “familiar” level of happiness/well-being. AND, if something negative and painful occurs, and you are sad and mildly depressed or angry for a time, eventually you will drift back to the familiar set point of happiness/well-being.
Further the research, according to Haidt, suggests you can change that set point in a positive or even more positive direction. How? Well, although he acknowledges that some medications will do it, the real and accessible and healthy solution is MEDITATION.
Years of observation of regular meditators indicate that the emotional set point moves in a positive direction when you meditate regularly.
Circumstances. There are simply some things in life you can’t change –age, sex, health issues..and sometimes where you live and work. The idea here is to examine and define your life circumstances. What are they? What CAN change? What does not appear to be possible to change? What do you feel when you write and reflect on life circumstances?
Voluntary activities. What do you do, engage in when you have that illusive free time? Do you volunteer, have a great hobby, a wide circle of friends, love helping others, cooking and entertaining, some creative/artistic outlet, workout and pay close attention to health and well being? This area is a “storehouse” of possibility for feeling happier. It’s about finding where you FIND meaning and satisfaction.
To explore this further, check through my blogs for one on the Happiness Hypothesis.
For right now: an exercise for exploration: Grab a legal pad and construct a LIFE LINE. Start with the date of your birth and trace your life development/ events/ circumstances/ turning points/ crossroads up to the present, designating dates at each point of significance. Indicate positive or negative or challenging simply by constructing the line upwards for positive/happy points and downward for the negative/unhappy.
This gives you a good overview of what you see and feel when reflecting on where you’ve BEEN and where you are NOW. Write, write, write. See what has worked well and what NOT SO MUCH. See what you could change now, this week. See what you need help with. Prioritize the changes you’d like to make. Create a time line for change. Write it all down. The written record of your goals/ambitions/priorities makes a difference. And always ask for help when you need it!