Assessing which “side of the visual softball” of self esteem is harder for each of us to develop and maintain is a bit of a toss up. And more challenging is when both are difficult. Still, with practice, you can do it. You can develop a greater sense of self esteem that truly helps you navigate life with more joy.
SELF AFFIRMATION….
*write this affirmation: I ______(your name) like and love myself unconditionally.
*reflect on how you feel when you write it. Most people report feeling awkward and uneasy and most common: “I don’t believe that.” or “It’s just not true.”
*here’s the good part– you don’t have to believe it. In fact listening for the “disclaimers” is part of the process.
*a DISCLAIMER is the “noise” that comes from the little (or big) voice in your head that gives you all the reasons that the affirmation is NOT true.
*record every disclaimer! You want to surface the negative self defeating thoughts in your mind because these are your barriers to self affirmation. Things like: “Really? What about the 20 pounds you hate?” “That failure to ________”
*even if you find 20 negatives in your thinking, write them all down.
*now repeat the affirmation. Listen again for disclaimers. If you hear new ones, write them down. this is “digging around in the thoughts” until you find all of them.
*keep repeating the affirmation until that negative voice quiets down.
*next, take one disclaimer at a time and challenge it…..see if you can change the “blanket negativity” with a more realistic statement. For example: “I always fail at self care and can’t lose weight. I’m a slob,” can be changed to be less blaming: “Healthy self care is hard for me, and I feel good enough about myself to try again, even when I’m unhappy about the way I look, and regardless of when I fall off track.”
*EVERY day, repeat the affirmation — even if it feels awkward or not true. Repeat it several times. It will gradually become more believable.
*Continue to confront the “blanket negatives” you find. Make truthful statements about challenges and difficulty.
*You will gradually feel positive/happy when you affirm yourself. THEN more self affirmations about any/all areas of your life become both easier and habitual.
If you need more guidance — and often everyone does — find the book: I DESERVE LOVE by SANDRA RAY. And also check out all the information in my book: RELEASE FROM POWERLESSNESS: TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.