“If you listen carefully, you get to hear everything you didn’t want to hear in the first place.” – Sholom Aleichem
The quote clearly suggests that we don’t want to hear much of the information coming in our direction. So perhaps the question could be: IS THAT TRUE? or HOW WELL DO I LISTEN? or WHO DO I DISLIKE OR DREAD LISTENING TO? or WHO DO I ENJOY LISTENING TO?
Since I spend the better part of my days listening to people in my office talk about their lives — what they think and feel and believe, struggle with, find painful or anger provoking, find joy and pleasure in– I can offer a few thoughts on the power of listening……
But first, listening is hard. You have to get your own ideas and thoughts and feelings and beliefs and opinions OUT OF THE WAY. Next you have to be mindful, focused, in the moment. You have to give up, at least briefly, being RIGHT. You have to be ready, as the quote suggests, to hear something you truly don’t want to hear. You have to be prepared to hear criticism of YOU — or displeasure or anger or confusion with something you have said or done. And that “collection” of you “have to” statements causes many people to just bog down or thrown up their hands or even to pretend to listen before going on to think and believe and feel and do what they intended in the first place.
So do I think we are really all that difficult or distracted or disinterested or not ABLE to pay attention to the people around us? I honestly think it’s far more complicated. Most of us have not learned HOW to listen. And perhaps complicating communication even more, many if not most of us have not learned enough about how to “allow” our own feelings to be expressed and metabolized or healed or simply figured out. Or said a different way — to LISTEN TO OURSELVES!
We live in a culture that encourages “get over it” — “get on with your life” — “suck it up and keep going” — And that means that most of us are preoccupied with unprocessed thoughts and beliefs and opinions and feelings… and that makes listening hard.
So back to the power of actually doing it — listening. You just feel better! Maybe not in that moment, but eventually. Listening connects you — to the other person, their feelings and ideas — and to YOU. When we listen we feel. We learn. We open. We are actually happier. Can that be true if you hear things you don’t want to hear? Yes, if you decide to learn from your differences with the other person. If you can open yourself to the possibility of being wrong, of making a mistake and believing that you can move beyond the difficulty or painful information. You can heal.
We truly do need ALL the information out on the table….when we truly listen we have the data to problem solve. And there are lots of problems needing resolution! Make a contribution to resolution — !