MINDFULNESS MATTERS is a recent article by author Mike Figliuolo, Managing Director of Thought Leaders, in SMART BRIEF ON LEADERSHIP (you can connect easily on line) They surveyed individuals to explore the question of “self awareness” and got the following responses.
HOW WELL DO YOU RECOGNIZE WHEN SOMETHING WILL “TRIGGER” YOU IN A NEGATIVE WAY?
11.24% — Extremely well –I know my triggers and mitigate them before they happen
47.48% —Very well — I recognize when I’m being triggered and act accordingly
26.15% — Well — I can recover quickly when I’m triggered
14.22% — Not well — I have trouble reacting well when I’m triggered
0.92% — Poorly — I’m not aware I’ve been triggered until after the damage is done
First: what’s a trigger? It can come in the form of a comment directed toward you OR to someone in your work group; a disagreement; a conflict; a disapproval of something you said or did; a disapproving facial expression; a direct criticism; withholding information or simply not talking when you are waiting for feedback/direction…..for most of us, the list can go on and on. The important thing is to gradually learn what your triggers are.
Start by examining the last time you were either angry, unhappy, upset, feeling simply out of sorts as a result of an interaction. Who were you talking to? And as accurately as you can, what specific things happened/were said? What were your thoughts? What were your feelings? And most importantly, what did you do? Try to capture as much as you recall on paper.
Next, ask yourself when you’ve felt this way before. Very recently, weeks ago, maybe in your last job? And check if you recall similar feelings from childhood. When we think we are over reacting or simply don’t understand WHAT has caused our reactions, it’s because the “trigger” likely has a strong root system in childhood. Consequently, you’re doing a little digging. If you had a critical parent or teacher, you developed a way of responding to feel safe or good about yourself. And if you encounter a person who even slightly reminds you of that individual, OLD energy can attach to here and now feelings and reactions and “trigger” a more intense response than the situation warrants. For most of us, we are confused about the intensity of a response when it has roots in childhood/adolescence/or young adult hood.
If you want to explore this further, my newest book YOUR PERSONAL STRESS ANALYSIS takes you on a “workbook journey” to answer approximately 16 questions to find root causes of stress and the triggers that throw you off. It’s available on my website and on Amazon.
Once you assess how good you are at seeing and dealing with triggers — perhaps compared to the people in Smart Brief’s survey — you are on your way to taking a serious look at healthy changes. Personally I’m a bit surprised AND pleased that so many people recognize and handle triggers. My experience in both consulting and psychotherapy is that far more of us lack the mindfulness/awareness we need to recognize and handle triggers. Regardless, we can ALL get far better at it! So let me know if you have questions.