As the search continues for the young woman student who disappeared from the University of Virginia, some people insist on raising the ugly process of VICTIM BLAMING. And some of the individuals who do so sadly have a voice that is heard around the air waves. I’m stunned, saddened, disappointed, and frankly angry. I also am trying — actually struggling — to understand where the idea/the stance of victim blaming comes from.
So let’s just hypothesize. I hesitate to become angry enough to call individuals who blame victims ignorant. Although it’s tempting. However, my profession, my efforts to understand people necessitate me backing away from that approach. Although I have the feeling, the urge to do so, I’m backing up to reexamine my feelings, thoughts, attitudes…so I’ll throw out some ideas…and if you have thoughts you’d like to share, let me know. AND if you have thoughts that fall into the “blaming” category, please feel comfortable to express them. Saying what you think, at least in a forum you feel safe doing so, actually helps you explore the depth and source of your own feelings..
It’s possible that forms of victim blaming come from the following:
-fear — and perhaps fear that actually gets projected onto the victim…that just means that feeling fear for SELF can be too stressful and overwhelming. Consequently, if it’s the fault of the woman who was assaulted, raped, mugged, then YOU are safe. You can be comfortable that it’s not a problem with men and the culture of violence we live in. It allows ignoring reality.
-rage/hostility — feelings like this often come from an individual’s personal feelings of powerlessness, and often from having sadly experienced abuse in their own lives. Consequently projecting feelings OUTWARD and blaming the victim protects the individual from feeling their own rage/hostility at what happened to them.
-stress — sometimes the stress in the life of any individual can mount to such intensity that almost everything is upsetting….the need then is to vent, to express feelings, regardless of being unrelated to what’s really going on — blaming others often relieves — for a VERY SHORT TIME — the internal stress being experienced
-lack of information — some individuals are able to become “instant experts” on almost any topic when they simply don’t have enough information. And information about the extent of violence against women, the reasons/causes/tolerance of it is hard to take in.
If you want to pursue your own thoughts or those of others that disturb you, try my book on power because it analyzes systems and the powerlessness of women IN those systems. I know I mention it all the time…but to remind you, it’s RELEASE FROM POWERLESSNESS: TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.
And see how you might speak out in SUPPORT OF WOMEN EVERYWHERE.