Most of the questions I hear–from clients and workshop participants or from audiences I’m speaking to, begin with WHY… Since I think WHY is not a good question I’ve changed them to WHAT and sometimes HOW …point? I think when we ask WHY someone does something, the most common answers are “because the person/situation is either sick, crazy or stupid.” In other words, why does not TYPICALLY take us where we want to go, even though it’s one of our favorite questions! What or how makes us get specific/concrete and even suggest action …at least that’s my thinking!! And that long explanation is so you don’t wonder WHY I change THE WHY!
Here’s the list of questions I struggle with…
What makes some people want
-to deny ANYONE the right to a good and affordable education?
-to deny certain groups the right to vote?
-to deny women the right to make individual choice about either birth control or abortion?
-to deny individuals a minimum wage?
-to deny individuals the ability to eat healthy food, even get food stamps?
-to deny individuals the right to affordable health care?
-to deny women equal pay for equal work?
-to deny women or men the right to maternity or paternity leave OR time away from work to care for family members who are ill?
These are at least a few. They obviously have a great deal to do with many of our current political issues and arguments and disagreements and conflicts. And do I hear about the opposite end of these questions? i.e, what makes people think they DESERVE any of the same things? Reality? I do not. Reason? Most people I work with and interact with are doing either educational exploration in learning settings or deep personal work in workshops and therapy. Meaning? Individuals who ask such questions I’ve identified are typically in a process of exploring their values — their purpose in life — how they might contribute to solving problems in the world, and make a difference in the well being of others.
I have to acknowledge I ask the same questions. I want to make the world a healthier and safer place for everyone, and I think equity is the way to make that happen. The reason I’ll suggest for opposition to equity is this: many people believe in a “zero sum value”–that means that if YOU get something there might not be enough for ME. And the world really does not operate that way. There is enough to go around when we are open to share. But for those who grow up with “less than” either economically, emotionally, educationally, even spiritually, they can often be highly self protective of whatever they have or whatever they are working toward obtaining. And that can cause holding on–seeing the resources available as limited and wanting to keep others from getting their “share”……..
It is natural and normal to be “protective” of self and what you have. It’s just that it’s out of whack when the protection becomes defiant, defensive, argumentative, angry, and then sometimes punitive or destructive or violent.
Do I have a better answer? Perhaps a suggestion to dialogue across differences! To truly talk about opposing ideas/opinions/beliefs. To listen carefully to what makes people who are so different from us with an intent to understand rather than to be right. And that is because I don’t think I or the individuals who hold similar values are right. I do think, however, that equity and fairness and health, and income above poverty levels, and health care, and solid education (and all the other things on the list) are GOOD things and that it might help to try them. The denial of all those things, which we are already practicing, doesn’t seem to be working …..
Let me know what you think and if you have good answers to the questions….or even more questions.