In my private practice, and in stress analysis workshops, I frequently teach people to meditate. And people new to the idea — just starting out — or maybe just thinking about it as a result of so much information floating around out there — have lots of questions. So I’m sharing those I hear a lot that might also be knocking around in your mind.
-Does meditation really help? Will it really help me manage my stress/anxiety? This is a definitive yes. Regardless, everyone is different, so your results may vary from others you know who meditate. When I started meditating in the early 1970’s I felt an immediate impact, and for several weeks in a row I could measure a strong improvement in my stress level and in my sense of well being. And I’ve seen the opposite be true for some, saying in fact, “what’s the big deal?” I can’t explain the difference, but I do know that for those who stick with the process of meditating daily, results begin to unfold.
Here are just a few quotes: “I just realized I’m more relaxed.” “I’m sleeping better.” “I just feel more positive about my life.” “I’m looking forward to my meditations vs thinking about them as work.”
-Do I have to meditate every single day? To see the results, and to build the habit, the commitment to the process, yes. But it’s a common question. That is likely because it feels like an over whelming commitment of time, and if you’re already stressed, it feels like another thing to worry about fitting into a complex life and schedule. But consistency is what gives your brain the information that you are doing something that’s really good for your self care. It’s like building blocks. If you can first try 7 days in a row — then another 7 and another 7, you will begin to enjoy the impact and find yourself looking forward to the time.
-Is the ideal time really 20 minutes? Actually 20 minutes twice a day is truly ideal. Start WHERE YOU CAN. If you just begin to try it for 10 minutes you will discover that you truly WANT to do it longer. And the time frame is recommended by almost every school of thought on meditation/mindfulness training.
-Am I supposed to stop myself from thinking? No. That is not the goal. Besides, it’s not actually possible. You CAN however, calm your thoughts; you can notice them and release or let them go. My friend/colleague, Tom Jacobs gives the Four R’s of Meditation to individuals visiting and meditating with him at Timber Creek Retreat. a) Resist none of your thoughts….or don’t push thoughts away; b) Retain none of your thoughts…or avoid dwelling or holding thoughts; c) React to nothing; let emotions come up ….or let yourself fully feel all emotions that arise; d) Return to your breathing and/or your mantra …or when you hold or dwell, just return. These four reminders are some of the best I’ve seen.
-What if I just can’t sit still? I’ve had that challenge — and many, many people have had that challenge, especially during truly painful/stressful times in life. My best suggestion is try for 5 minutes, then 10, and see if the restlessness finally allows even a few minutes of quiet. And some recommend walking meditation to help with periods of restlessness. You can find videos/CD instructions almost anywhere. The main thing is be WITH the restlessness vs trying to make it GO AWAY. The resistance will likely increase the restlessness. Just breathe into it. Sounds hard, but it’s the best thing to try.
-I’ve tried and I can’t do it. What should I do? My best suggestion is to attend a class. Being WITH other meditators is often a doorway through your difficulty. And being with someone who teaches meditation, you can get all your questions answered.
And if I’ve missed your most important question on meditation, just email me. And if you want to analyze your stress and read some ideas on meditation and other ways to reduce stress, try my book: YOUR PERSONAL STRESS ANALYSIS
Meanwhile, happy, successful meditation. It does work!