That’s a significant “declaration”…..first, what does it actually mean?
If it’s “I can’t get people to do what I want them/need them to do” — then that’s likely a “control issue.” And that just means as long as you focus on efforts to control people or outcomes, you are destined to fail and declare “I have no influence on others.”
What’s the difference between control and influence? Control means I am right and you are wrong and YOU need to change and do it the way I want it to be done.
Influence means you want to work with the other person/group for a common and positive direction or outcome. It involves three pretty basic behaviors/ways of communicating.
1- you make your idea or the message you want to get across easy to understand through simple straight forward communication
2- you communicate the “value” of what you want. This can also be called “common vision” — or helping the others actually see/visualize what you want to accomplish. It’s making a connection that others can not just see, but also “grab onto.”
3- be yourself — that means authenticity goes a long, long way. If people trust you to have their best interests in mind — as well as your own — you are more than half way there.
4- finally, open yourself to the possibility that your way of doing the THING being discussed is not as good as the idea of another person. That could be one of the hardest things. If you’ve read my blogs on “being right” you already understand that can get in your way of almost any conversation, and with almost anyone you are interacting with. Here’s the positive outcome of acknowledging you might be wrong: you increase the feeling of trust others have in you. You have “money in the bank” to draw on the next time there’s a difficult decision on the table. Now people have a history with you that says you listen, that you have the common good in mind, even when you need to let go of your way of doing things.
Listening carefully builds trust, connection, and the desire for everyone working together. This applies to all relationships. You do have to step back a little and honestly examine your own motives. It does work!