A few days into the new year, and for many people, resolutions are already not working, OR there’s a struggle with them…..The biggest issue, if you are one of those individuals having trouble sticking to your decisions about change for a new year……or perhaps you’ve been talking to someone who’s struggling …….is what are the thoughts in your head
Typically they are things like this: WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHY IS IT SO IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EAT HEALTHY? WHAT THE HECK MAKES ME FAIL TO EXERCISE SO QUICKLY? WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? WHY CAN’T I BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND MAKE MY LIFE WORK? OR….. I ALWAYS FAIL! NOTHING EVER WORKS FOR ME! I’M ALWAYS GOING TO BE ALONE AND UNHAPPY! MY LIFE SUCKS!
Hopefully these are not the questions and thoughts in your head, but they actually are quite common. Self blame, negative thinking, self “flagellation” and simple inflammatory and exaggerated thought patterns are pretty common.
The issue is to stop the blame and the negative thinking and just explore what is actually going on this first week or two into the new year.
First, there is nothing magic about it being January in the new year. When individuals set goals, focus on resolutions it is common that “attached” is a belief that the new year itself makes change possible. Reality: only you and I, focused on our own lives and behaviors, choices and decisions, make change possible.
One guarantee: IF your head is filled with negativity, change won’t be possible. So let’s assume you’ve already stopped (vs failed) doing something you really, really wanted to do this year. First write the goal down again….Then try a sentence a little like this: My goal of exercising daily has been harder than I thought. I have exercised _______ (the number of times) and I wanted to exercise _________. I will start again today knowing that it is challenging, and I am still capable of doing healthy things for myself.
Hopefully the difference is obvious. But know that the minds of most people go to the negative! Try to pay attention to when it happens and stop and write down or say out loud a truthful and realistic statement of what’s going on. If this process of changing negative thinking sounds truly challenging, try my book WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? MAYBE NOT THAT MUCH! Every chapter instructs on how to reframe negative thoughts into thoughts and beliefs that help you move forward.
AND one shortcut. Write affirmations. Remember that affirmations are statements of positive regard that you make to yourself ABOUT yourself. The good thing about affirmations is you don’t have to believe them. You DO HAVE TO SAY THEM AND WRITE THEM. Then slowly, the self affirming statements start to “register” in your brain….and eventually you will, indeed, believe them. And when you affirm yourself, you motivate yourself.
Here’s an all purpose affirmation: I ______(your name) like and love myself unconditionally. Nothing like starting with a really difficult one! Write it, say it out loud, and then listen for the disclaimer that fires in your mind! Write the disclaimer next to the affirmation. Keep saying and writing the affirmation –AND the disclaimers, until no new disclaimers emerge in your thoughts. Then go back and repeat the affirmation.
Writing and speaking affirmations daily truly helps. Try this one: I am capable of ___________(insert the goal or behavior) on a regular basis, even when it feels challenging. I deserve to __________(insert the goal or behavior) and feel good and loving toward myself.
Many people tell me these kinds of statements feel embarrassing. So perhaps count on the possibility that they might feel that way to you as well. Do count on the possibility that affirmations are hard. AND certainly count on how much they work.
Regardless of the changes you’ve identified as goals for you going into the new year, you can start now! You are capable of change. Say: I AM CAPABLE OF CHANGE!
I am wishing you success in the coming months. And as always, if you have questions, let me know. And again, Happy New Year!