• FAILED NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS — CAUSE CHANGE IS HARD!!

    FIRST, if you have quickly fallen back into old patterns of behavior around ANY change you wanted to put into place, STOP GIVING YOURSELF A HARD TIME.  Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself regarding your failed resolution. Instead, consider how long you DID stick with it, acknowledge when you “fell into the old and familiar behavior” again.  And reflect, and see if you can identify what/who/where for triggers that STIMULATE old behavior. And remember this distinction:  YOU are not a failure.  You have failed in making a behavior change.  REALLY DIFFERENT in the impact on your motivation and positive self regard!

    It’s really helpful to think about change.  Change, regardless if it’s positive or negative, IS stress.  Stress EQUALS change.  Consequently by starting something new that is a CHANGE you add stress to your life. And stress is NOT a bad thing except when it’s TOO much.  If you tried to change too many things at once, you might have elevated your stress level to a “space in your head” where only old, soothing, comfortable, familiar behaviors really feel good.  That means, slipping on the new eating plan, or cutting back on alcohol, or stopping smoking, or beginning a rigorous exercise routine, OR STARTING TO MEDITATE — is not YET as soothing as the old behaviors.

    Change management literature tells us there are THREE parts/aspects of change and that TRANSITION is extremely important.  So here are some definitions that might help you analyze your situation.

    First, CHANGE.  It’s SITUATIONAL:  a move, a new role or behavior, a revision, a reorganization. And NOTE.  The majority of people AUTOMATICALLY RESIST CHANGE!  Less than 1% of people get on board with change quickly! Truly!

    Second, TRANSITION:  It’s psychological. And this is the part that will help you the most.  A transition starts with an ENDING and finishes with a BEGINNING
    —-An ENDING is letting go of old ways/behaviors/identity…. and dealing with LOSS

    NEXT is called the NEUTRAL ZONE — the old is gone (at least temporarily if we regress); the new is not really incorporated; and it’s a time of psychological realignments and patterning.  I think it’s the hardest part in the process!

    FINALLY a NEW BEGINNING — here you are coming out of the transition and making a new beginning –you have new energy, new sense of purpose, see yourself differently, and feel you are making change work.

    I think of the neutral zone as having one foot in old behavior and one foot in new behavior.  Depending on your THOUGHT PROCESS (this means checking for negative and distorted thoughts in your head and working to let them go) you are pulled in both directions.  Old behavior feels comforting, new feels purposeful.  It’s a conflict and a place where “slips” happen.

    We actually need to grieve what we are letting go of.  We need to feel the feelings if it’s a struggle, painful, truly challenging.  And if the old is long term behavior everything in your brain pulls you back.

    Keep this in mind:  you have to do major management (of self) during transition.  William Bridges, a well known author on change says “Unmanaged transition makes change unmanageable.”

    During transition from old to new, WRITE. REFLECT. IDENTIFY what’s hard, and what’s easy.  What is motivating you to the NEW? What is holding you back or blocking you?  Once on paper you can usually think through how to stay on track.

    The more TIME you have in place, the more likely you are to succeed. Then even if you don’t stick to your goal for a day or two or three, remind yourself of how you felt DOING the changed behavior and then jump right back into the new behavior.  Change will slowly become habit and habit can then move into RITUAL.  What’s the difference? It’s likely that getting up and brushing your teeth is a ritual vs a habit.  You don’t have to think about it.

    Here’s a personal example.  My regular exercise is a ritual because I don’t think about IF I’m going to do it.  I just do it.  The only thing that varies is the FORM of exercise. I do have to make a decision about what form of exercise I will do, but the question of doing it or not only comes up if I don’t feel well or if I have an office emergency that is a priority.

    YOU CAN make your change a habit… and perhaps a ritual.  If you have questions, let me know!  And get back on the horse you are telling yourself you fell off!

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