• EMBRACE THE PRESSURE!!

    EMBRACE THE PRESSURE!!  Those are words of wisdom from 17 year old tennis player, Victoria Duval.  She defeated Sam Stosur from Australia in three sets… quite unexpected.  And when interviewed about her next match at the US Open in New York, she was asked if she was nervous, concerned about the pressure being put on her at such a young age… AND being so new on the big stage of competitive women’s tennis.  She said, “embrace the pressure.”  

    I would love to know if she gets how profound that is.  And if she is really able to DO it, she will enjoy the match, regardless.  But whether you want her to win or lose….or whether or not you are a tennis fan  (I CERTAINLY AM)…..her statement is so psychologically significant it is worth paying attention to….

    What’s so significant?  For most of us, when we have a strong feeling:  pressure, fear, sadness, anxiety, disappointment, we immediately try to “push it away” — to get it out of our consciousness — to return to what we view as “normal.”  And most people think that makes sense.  What actually happens when we push feelings away is they INTENSIFY!  You push, the feeling pushes back..The reason?  Feelings have purpose, meaning, and they actually “want our attention.”  So pushing away, covering up, distracting ourselves means we miss the message.

    What’s the alternative?  Embrace it, just as wise Victoria Duval  says.  In my language, acknowledge it.  If you pay attention, the feeling often shifts….it can deepen, it can uncover a DIFFERENT feeling, it can relax in intensity.  So try this exercise.  Imagine you are in your office, anticipating a difficult meeting and feeling anxious.  Close your eyes, breathe normally, and say out loud (I know this sounds a little weird)  “I say hello to my anxiety”……that just means you are aware and you are acknowledging what’s going on.  Keep your eyes closed and breathe, and see what happens.  It’s not magic, but it’s intended to calm you — and even if it’s just a little, that’s typically a help.  Experiment at home before you try it at work….. let’s say you are having trouble getting to sleep…try I say hello to my restlessness, or my busy mind, or my difficulty sleeping…. then just see what happens.

    This is just a “sample” of an approach based on the work of psychologist, EUGENE GENDLIN.  His first book, FOCUSING, came out in the late 70’s…..IF my mind does not deceive me!  And he has written many since….as have his colleagues.  Just do a web search for Focusing if you want specific references….and ask me any questions about how I use the approach in therapy…

    Key:  don’t back away or run away…. Embrace it!  

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