RECEIVING — Almost anything — is hard for many. So If accepting affirmations from others feels equally hard or perhaps harder than self affirmation, let’s examine tools for “taking in.” And keep in mind that both sides of the softball need to be developed and maintained for self esteem.
Start by simply observing….listening to yourself when you respond to an affirmation.
*Can you say thank you and put a big FAT PERIOD at the end of the thank you?
*Watch, listen to yourself. If it’s hard you might find yourself offering “qualifiers.” Right “after the period” see if you say things like: “You would have been even better at it.” “Well, with all the great help why wouldn’t it have turned out well?” “Really? you think it was that good? I wasn’t sure.” These only scratch the surface of the STUFF that comes out of our mouths instead of being graceful and accepting an affirmation! Well, it can be challenging.
*Reflect on what you feel when receiving. Comfortable? Uncomfortable? Embarrassed? Pleased? Floods of self doubt? Feelings of fraud? Anxious to change the subject? What feelings come up that cause you to discount the affirmation?
*Now dig in. What did you learn about compliments, affirmations growing up? And what did you learn about simply feeling good about yourself? Take notes. The early formation of how to behave is likely still the foundation for your behavior today.
Here’s an example of that early learning. When I was elected class president in the eighth grade I was totally excited and happy and quite self congratulatory when telling my mother at the end of the day because so many people had been happy for me and said dozens of positive, affirming things to me. Her response: “Now we wouldn’t want people to think we think too much of our selves.” I was embarrassed, even shamed by that. Her disapproving tone, facial expressions and body language nailed in place a hesitancy to really receive from others.
The hard thing is finding the root system for your difficulty. But then you can begin to counter it…..putting new beliefs in place. It can take time, but you’ll feel the rewards of the change.
AND more simply, sometimes the mere practice of the period at the end of the “thank you” can totally alter your ability in a positive direction.
Try this: ask a good friend to periodically give you a random compliment/affirmation about something you’ve done in any area of your life and practice your “taking in.” It will help.
And write, write, write what you feel. The more you are able to receive — really absorb in that softball of self esteem — the better you’ll feel! It’s something you truly can do. And regardless, if you bump into a challenge, ask for help.