PART ONE….
Self Esteem is an essential and core part of who we are and how we function in the world. And all the talk about the negative impact of helicopter parents and handing out a trophy for “just showing up” has confused lots of people — about the self esteem and confidence of kids and that of parents as well! So let’s focus on adults. Hopefully the translation to kids, adolescents, and young adults will feel more obvious!
First, some visual images. Think for a moment about feeling a “sag” in your self esteem. Try to picture what happens physically. For most, it’s a feeling of being hit in the gut. And many people report a “caving in” feeling. Some will cross their arms over their mid section — protectively. It’s the SOLAR PLEXUS we are protecting — a spot where vulnerability to criticism or a failure or hearing that something you’ve done has gone wrong — is felt PHYSICALLY.
THAT spot in “chakra language” is where we feel POWER — or the diminishing of power. It’s a spot of strength or vulnerability.
SIDE NOTE: A chakra is an energy center. There are seven in the body. If you review my blogs, you’ll find one on Chakras. You can also Google the word or read my book: RELEASE FROM POWERLESSNESS: TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.
Think of self esteem as capable of shrinking or expanding. VISUALIZE a softball that lives right in your solar plexus. It can either maintain it’s shape or shrink to the size of a RAISIN! Now imagine cutting it in half.
The first half is made up of all the affirming things you say to yourself — about your core sense of worth — your values, attitudes, beliefs, behavior. When you can honestly say, “I feel good about myself and what I did or who I am” and when you give yourself positive affirmations regularly, this half of the softball retains its shape. If you either beat up on yourself or literally never give yourself affirming messages, that half of the softball shrinks.
The second half is made up of the affirmations that come to you from others. Those range from things like — you did a great job; you are a treasured friend; I always know I can count on you — to you look great; or a simple thank you. ALL people need affirmation. ALL people need affirmation regularly. But a key issue is what you DO with an affirmation when you get it! If you “deflect it” by discounting the statement directed to you as an affirmation (and many people do), that other half of the softball shrinks. A discount is something like: oh, it was nothing; well, it’s what they pay me the big bucks for; really? I thought I sounded awful; or this outfit? had it for years!
Consequently, that core — that softball of self esteem depends on how you build each side of it in your solar plexus.
Do some reflecting on your own behavior. Make some notes. Ask yourself a few questions. Observe yourself carefully when someone gives you a compliment and pay attention to how you talk to yourself.
PART TWO will give you some more details on how to improve your self esteem — grow it — on both halves of the softball.